My matrilineal line tends toward breeding women. My grandmother had three sisters and one brother. My grandmother birthed my mother and her sister. I was one of three sisters and I have two daughters. My sister went and threw a monkey wrench into the works when her second child was a boy. I didn’t believe it until I checked. Yup, a boy. He is a dear.

The relationship between mothers and daughters is a complicated and painful one. The story of Persephone and Demeter, or Kore and Ceres if you prefer, epitomizes this relationship. Mother and daughters love one another, play and garden and dress each other in flowers and leaves. Then, daughter develops into maiden and runs off with your worst nightmare and “goes to hell in a handbasket."

Mother is despondent. She weeps. She wonders what she did wrong. She misses her daughter terribly, but if her daughter calls, she can’t resist pointing out all her faults. Daughter rarely calls.

Finally, mother creates something new. In the myth, it was a new season -- winter. She changes, has quests, adventures, and finds that having some free time isn’t such a bad thing after all. But she continues to miss her daughter, painfully.

Finally, the daughter returns, but she is no longer a child. She is secure as a separate person, and has found her own identity. They look at each other clearly, and discover that not only are they alike, but both of them, horrors, are just like Grandma!

Rejecting the mother just seems to be a vital part of the maiden experience. There is your beautiful daughter, on whom you’ve showered thousands of dollars worth of ballet lessons, trendy clothes, and the toys you swore you would never buy (Barbi dolls). Suddenly she takes off with someone you can’t stand. Take heart. She’ll be back. Trust me. If you have a motherless daughter in your life, invite the dead or absent mom to Samhain Dumb Supper. The daughter can just go ahead and reject her. The next year, invite her again and let the daughter reject her again. Repeat as needed until they both find peace.