The rituals were perfect for my needs. The focus was inward, selfish, introspective and healing. The harvest was of all that occurred during the past year. We were to draw all raised energy within for our own use.
The most effective portion of the ritual for my needs consisted of facing the coming darkness, and symbolically being planted into and reborn of the Goddess. It seemed that all my feelings were so confused that I could not define them. I found myself sobbing in the darkness. Then I felt a sister take my hand. She let me to a small bed of black cushions, where I curled up into a fetal position. Another sister covered me with a light black scarf. Then I began to hear soft whispers through my sobs. “Come home to the Mother, do not be afraid. All that dies is reborn, sister, through the Goddess. Let yourself feel the love, the warmth, the nurturing...” Slowly my weeping began to subside and a deep peace descended upon me. When I had totally relaxed, the scarf was lifted, and a hand was extended to help me rise.
A sister held out a bowl of seeds, and another held a basket of earth. I took the seed and planted in the soil. We would all share the results of these plantings in following spring. I returned to my place, and my drum and watched my sisters continue until all had participated in rebirth.
Before and after there was dancing, chanting, drumming, raising energy, and all the wonderful things done at COA's rituals, and then feasting and socializing. However, that ceremony was what I needed to touch the Crone within and without, to walk between the worlds, and to come to a place of serenity.