I felt very comfortable with my decision of reconsidering the use of the hormone blocking drug. There were several issues involved. On basis of health, while the drug would decrease the chance of additional breast cancers, it would greatly increase the chance of uterine cancer. Adding into the equation were my spiritual feelings, as the drug would push me straight into menopause.
I have been wanting to crone. I have really been wanting to crone. I have felt that I would be the oldest woman still bleeding. I have a few symptoms of menopause. Those symptoms I have, I enjoy. The temptation to chemically induce croning was very strong. The feeling that croning as a process was not something that I should interfere with was equally strong. Physically, I am a high risk for breast cancer, and a low risk for uterine cancer. This was truly a dilemma.
The Dr. E. told me that I should make a decision before my treatments were completed. This gave me about five weeks to think about it. I decided to wait until Samhain ritual, and see if drawing upon Hecate's energy would clarify the direction I should take. I figured that since she was Crone, Goddess of Magic and Wisdom, and Goddess of the Crossroads, she was the obvious choice of Goddesses in this situation.